As with many times in life, when God calls you to do something he often takes you on the road less traveled. My journey is no different. A little over eight years ago I married my soul mate. From the first moment we met, I knew he was "the one”. We married almost one year to the day we met. I was always shy, introverted and followed the crowd. Everyone who knows Travis, knows that he is the exact opposite. God knew exactly what he was doing when he placed this man into my small little world.
As you might know, over the next few years, my faith was tested to the very core of my being. I found myself continuing to ask God, "why me?" Then we had our little miracle, Adelynn. God was true to his promises. Psalm 37:4 had finally come true; "Delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart." A little over a year later, I found myself in the pit again. I questioned God and my journey. I felt as if I had been stripped to the bone. I grieved the loss of never being able to bear another child in my womb. I cried out to God and I never heard an answer. The silence was deafening.
Since then, we have continued to trust God and move forward with our calling to adopt. I found myself hopeful. I bought "Choosing to SEE" by Marybeth Chapman. I came to realize that we are a lot alike. We both like plans and control. But neither of these allow room for God's grace or the miracles of God. I too believe that as Marybeth says, "none of my tears have been wasted". God has chosen to change me on my journey. He has redeemed me at a great cost. My husband could not fix me and I came to realize that this was way too heavy to carry on my own. I had to give complete control to Him and let Him use this pain in my life. Psalm 126:5 says, "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy". As I look back on the past eight years, there have been a lot of tears. There has also been a lot of joy. I am married to the man of my dreams who loves God and through that he loves me. He leads our family and loves Adelynn beyond anything I could have ever dreamed or hoped for. God continues to be faithful.
In 13 days we will meet two little boys. We will become their "forever family." Most days my joy overtakes me. This journey has been hard. But, as Marybeth says, "I can do hard." Did I want to? No, absolutely not! Would my life be different had I not chosen to trust Him and walk this path? Yes. He has chosen me for such a time as this. God's destiny for my life was bigger than I would have allowed him to be. The naive 22 year old - small town girl - would never have dreamed this big. My faith in God and His presence in my life has grown from a knowledge of His love to experiencing it first-hand. I have been face to face with God. He is still working Himself out in me and my journey is not nearly over.
I am thankful He never gave up on me and for bringing me on this journey for faith. Clearly, He always knew the desire of my heart to have children. I just never knew how I would get them. What an honor to walk this road and seek my children out just as Christ did for us. Again, we are all but orphans he sought out by His love.
Matthew 17:20 "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Praise the Lord my mountain has been moved. I can walk forward in His marvelous light and share my victorious journey for faith, being thankful for my miracles.
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