Letting go...

As I write this Travis is deployed.  I find myself 7,000 miles away from my family.  It's just me and Addy.  It's during these moments that I truly see God.  I see His hand.  I know that I am not alone.  The enemy is out to seek, kill and destroy.  But God is on my side.  My mind tends to wonder and goes places that I do not want to go.  I start to doubt my safety, my calling and why we are here.  But God in His still soft voice draws me toward Him and all my fears release.  I have a peace.  A peace that only He can bring.
 Many of you know our story of having Adelynn.  Our word we use so commonly with her is, "Miracle".  As I look back at our journey of conceiving her I am brought to tears.  I remember the hurt, I can feel the pain.  But this time 2 years ago it was all erased.  I had just had my HCG  labs redrawn and it was confirmed, we were pregnant!! God had provided.  He had given me the desires of my heart.  It took patience and a lot of tears but that didn't matter anymore, I was pregnant.
I was talking to my mom today and she told me about a song, "miracle of the moment"by Steven Curtis Chapman.  As I listened I recalled the past few years.  Our struggles and our triumphs.  The words of this song were so true.  I have felt God telling me the past few months, let it go.  The words of this song echo those words.


It’s time for letting go
All of our if only’s
‘Cause we don’t have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?
‘Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

I felt God whispering to me, "would you change anything?".  This past year has been difficult for me.  I have lost my last two grandparents, moved to a new country and lost what I thought was my most valuable possession.  Endometriosis finally took my ability to have more children.  It was the most difficult decision I have ever made.  I felt such loss and heartbreak.  But God is in the restoring business.  I am proud to say that through this hysterectomy I am a new person.  My dad preached a sermon the week before my surgery that I refused to hear completely, until now. I know God gave this to him.  It was based from the passage in Mark 14:3.  What is your most valuable possession?  I gave God my most valuable possession on June 9, 2011.  Or, what I thought was most valuable.  I poured  out my sorrow and my disappointment.  I am proud to say today that God has filled my alabaster box once again.  I am renewed.  God has taken all of that hurt and pain and replaced it with hope.  So, thank you daddy for preaching a sermon that is still being heard today.  Thank you mama, for sharing this song with me.  I love and miss you both more than you know.  

Yesterday we received the news that all of our paperwork for our adoption had been submitted.  I am working with our caseworker to make plans for her to come to our house for a home study.  I will share more information with you in the coming months.  Please join us in prayer for our future child(ren). God brings us full circle and I will have more children!  

Allison